Hello, and welcome to the Leadership Done Right Podcast, Episode 65: How to Become a Top Negotiator!
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Hi friends! One of the most important leadership and life skills I use on a daily basis is negotiation. Although, I am not an expert negotiator, I have gotten a lot better through the years. I regularly practice negotiation and read good negotiation books. My goal is to get just a little better with each negotiation.
In this week’s episode, I am going to share negotiation insight I learned from Stuart Diamond’s negotiation book, Getting More. We’ll discuss times when we negotiate, the overall getting more approach, three key negotiation principles, and the 12 Getting More negotiation strategies.
Stuart has an extensive background in negotiation and has helped very influential people negotiate through challenging situations. His techniques are so powerful that he used them to help end the 2008 Hollywood writer’s strike.
Story of Negotiation
Before we get into the meat of his techniques, I want to share a story with you from Rayenne Chen. She’s a graduate from Stuart Diamond’s negotiation class at Wharton Business School.
Late to the Gate
She said:
“My run slowed to a jog as we approached the gate for our flight to Paris. The plane was still there, but the door to the Jetway was shut. The gate agents were quietly sorting tickets. They had already retracted the hood connecting the Jetway to the airplane door.
“Hi, we’re on this flight!” I panted.
“Sorry,” said the agent. “We’re done boarding.”
“But our connecting flight landed just ten minutes ago. They promised us they would call ahead to the gate.”
“Sorry, we can’t board anyone after they’ve closed the door.”
A Simple Non-verbal Negotiation
My boyfriend and I walked to the window in disbelief. Our long weekend was about to fall to pieces. The plane waited right before our eyes. The sun had set, and the pilots’ downturned faces were bathed in the glow of their instrument panel. The whine of the engines intensified and a guy with lighted batons sauntered onto the tarmac.
I thought for a few seconds. Then I led my boyfriend to the center of the window right in front of the cockpit. We stood there, in plain sight, my entire being focused on the pilot, hoping to catch his eye.
One of the pilots looked up. He saw us standing forlornly in the window. I looked him in the eye, plaintively, pleadingly. I let my bags slump by my feet. We stood there for what seemed an eternity. Finally, the pilot’s lips moved and the other pilot looked up. I caught his eye, as well, and he nodded.
The engine whine softened and we heard the gate agent’s phone ring. She turned to us, wide-eyed. “Grab your stuff!” she said. “The pilot said to let you on!” Our vacation restored, we clutched each other joyously, snatched our bags, waved to the pilots, and tumbled down the Jetway to our plane.”
Excerpt From: Stuart Diamond. “Getting More.” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/getting-more/id420426494?mt=11
The Getting More Method!
This story came from the book Getting More: How You Can Negotiate To Succeed In Work And Life by Stuart Diamond. Rayenne’s story shows a simple yet profound demonstration of negotiation in everyday life. She negotiated with the pilots of the plane without even saying a word. And, in the end was able to enjoy the wonderful trip she had planned.
So how did she learn to do this? She learned the techniques taught by Stuart Diamond. Then, she began practicing them in her everyday life.
Stuart teaches a method of negotiation that is different from some of the more common types of negotiation. For example, he doesn’t subscribe to getting to yes, getting to no, or doing whatever it takes to make the deal. Instead, he focuses on negotiating with each person so that everyone comes away happy because they got what they wanted.
When Do You Negotiate?
So when can we use these skills? Often people think negotiations only happens when people are closing a business deal, getting their client out of a jam in the courtroom, or buying a car on a car lot. Although each scenario involves negotiations, did you know you are always negotiating? Here is just a short list of examples of people and scenarios where negotiation occurs:
- Interactions with your
- Spouse
- Children
- Friends
- Neighbors
- Shopping
- Traveling
- Requesting Refunds
- Restaurants
- And… Pretty much anytime you have a human interaction!
The Getting More Approach
Now, let’s talk about the getting more approach to negotiate. Stuart Diamond explains that, “Perceptions and emotions” are more important than “power and logic.” The pictures in the heads of the other party are more important than any collection of facts, evidence or resources.
Now, how often do we try to compile all the important facts and then prove our point to others? While facts are good, the pictures in the head of the other person are far more important. What they think, how they feel, and their overall mood are very important when it comes to the outcome of the negotiation.
3 Key Negotiating Principles
I am going to share 12 negotiating strategies explained in this book, but at the foundation of these strategies are three key principles. It is really important that you keep them in mind as you negotiate. They are:
- Don’t get emotional – How many of us are so passionate about the outcome that we can’t think straight? He/she made me mad, now I am going to show them! I deserve this new car so I am going to buy it!
- Turn statements into questions – There’s so many times where we have the urge to tell someone something like it is. What’s more effective is to ask them questions so they arrive at the conclusion themselves.
- Don’t be manipulative – Have you ever felt like you were being manipulated? I know I have. When that occurs, the last thing I want to do is work with the other person to get more. It makes me mad and just turns me off.
These three principles are at the foundation of every successful negotiation. They are not always easy to keep in mind, but they are very important. To negotiate with these principles in mind takes a lot of self-discipline and practice.
Getting More Out of Each Negotiation
The key with negotiating is understanding that you will not win or get exactly what you want out of every negotiation. The key is to try to “Get More” out of every negotiation so you and the person you negotiate with come away happy. When you and the other person come away happy, everyone wins.
A Baseball Analogy
To illustrate this point, Stuart uses a baseball analogy. If you are a 280 hitter in baseball, and you get one extra hit every nine games, you become a 310 hitter in baseball. That small increase is worth a place in the Hall of Fame, and $10 million more a year.
Commercial Break
We’re going to take a quick break and when we come back we’re going to get into the 12 Getting More Negotiation Strategies.
The 12 Getting More Negotiation Strategies
The core of Stuart’s negotiation method includes these 12 strategies:
1. Goals are paramount
Goals are what you want at the end of the negotiation that you don’t have at the beginning.
2. It’s About Them
You can’t persuade people of anything unless you know the pictures in their heads: their perceptions, sensibilities, needs, how they make commitments, whether they are trustworthy. Find out what third parties they respect and who can help you.
3. Emotional Payments
You need to tap into the other person’s emotional psyche with empathy, apologies if necessary, by valuing them or offering them other things that get them to think more clearly.
4. Each Situation is Different
In a negotiation, there is no one-size-fits-all. Even having the same people on different days in the same negotiation can be a different situation. You must analyze every situation on its own.
5. Be Incremental
People often fail because they ask for too much all at once. They take steps that are too big.
6. Trade Unequally Valued Items
All people value things unequally. First find out what each party cares and doesn’t care about, big and small, tangible and intangible, in the deal or outside the deal, rational and emotional. Then trade off items that one party values but the other party doesn’t.
7. Use Their Standards
What are their policies, exceptions to policies, precedents, past statements, ways they make decisions? Use these to get more.
8. Be Transparent and Constructive, Not Manipulative
This is one of the biggest differences between Getting More and the conventional wisdom. Don’t deceive people. They will find out and the long-term payoff is poor.
9. Always Communicate, State the Obvious, Frame the Vision
Most failed negotiations are caused by bad communication, or none at all. Don’t walk away from a negotiation unless all parties agree to take a break—or unless you want to end the negotiation. Not communicating means not getting information.
10. Find the Real Problem and Make It an Opportunity
Few people find or fix the real, underlying problem in negotiations. Ask, “What is really preventing me from meeting my goals?” To find the real problem, you have to find out why the other party is acting the way they are.
11. Embrace Differences
Most people think different is worse, risky, annoying, uncomfortable. But different is actually demonstrably better: more profitable, more creative.
12. Prepare—Make a List and Practice with It
These strategies are the start of a List, which is the entire collection of negotiation strategies, tools, and models. The List is like a pantry, from which you choose items for every meal.
When you learn and consistently implement these 12 strategies, your negotiation skills reach a whole new level. Additionally, your level of satisfaction out of life is taken to a whole new level. Rather than focusing solely on what you always want and figuring out how you can get it, you are focused on what everyone wants and how everyone can collectively get more. As a result, you in turn get more as well because everyone gets more.
Conclusion
This review only touches the surface of what is contained in this book, so I strongly recommend that you buy a copy of the book for yourself so that you can begin to get more! Here is a link for you to purchase your own copy.
Wrap-up
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Leadership Done Right podcast. You can check out the show notes at LeadershipDoneRight.com/PodcastEpisode65. I will include notes on the topics discussed and related links.
If you enjoyed this episode, please write a review where you listen to this podcast. Also, please tell your friends about it and share it on social media.
Thanks again for listening! My goal is to help you become a great leader, now go be the best leader you can be!
Learn About Stuart Diamond; The Author of Getting More
Stuart Diamond is not only a great author, but also a very accomplished person. Here is a small sample of his accomplishments:
- Educational Background
- Law Degree from Harvard
- MBA from Wharton Business School
- Teaching/Professor Experience
- Professor of the Famed Negotiation Course at Wharton’s Business School
- Experienced in academia at Columbia, NYU, Harvard, Berkley, and more
- Professional Experience
- President of the Global Strategy Group that helps people around the world negotiate
- His techniques and tips helped end the 2008 Hollywood writer’s strike
- CEO of an airline in St. Thomas
- Pulitzer Prize winner for journalism of the New York Times
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